..depends....do you use butt plugs?

Alright hear me out before you run away at the butt plug reference. This has to do with trust, not sex toys.
I am a person who takes trust very seriously. If I dont trust you, you will not know me as well, or as much, as you think you do. Now does this mean I have a horrible secret hiding in my past? No, not really, no more than the average person I guess. I mean I don't have any" Then my Uncle touched me" or "I woke up naked next to some strange guy" stories but the nature of a person's secrets are not what is at issue here. What is at issue is if you are a person that I would choose to share my personal stories, thoughts and ambitions with. We all have those friends that we party with and hang out with, but you also have those friends that know everything, your best friends.These are the people that have proven themselves trustworthy and have always been there for you, not just when you had a twenty sixer to drink. Some people have 1 ,some have 5, but these are important friends. Now my friends who know everything know who they are, and I think that those who don't know everything even know that maybe we are not as close as we were or are(one time in Port Alberni...)for what ever reasons. Screw me over once and we are pretty much done. I have a cousin you should ask about that.

Now I was going to go into what makes these friends so good why you can tell them anything like they dont judge..yadda yadda. However I have decided that I am getting much to serious on this diatribe of mine...so for shits and giggles let me tell you about some of the people I dont trust...

1.)First of, I am a true canadian kid and i like to drink. Beer of course but also Gin, Vodka and at times Rum. I like to go out drink with my friends have a good time at the bar and so on. It's those people that dont drink that get me. Now if you don't drink because you used to drink..at work, in the car, morning coffee break, your kids baptisim,then good on ya for realizing that yes you have a problem, or becasue of some medical condition, then ok,but if you have never drank, never wanted to drink, and don't see your self drinking in the near future then you are one of the people I dont trust. I think you are up to something, you are going to wait till one sat night after a hockey game and attack us normal people with your fire and brimstone of righteousness. I have also come to the conclusion that your "group" is probably closely tied to some religon, which really makes sense and is a whole other story. But let me say this...I don't trust you extreme religious types either..why you ask. too many reasons really but let me just say...The Crusades anyone?

Next, and this is were the title of this rant comes from, guys who use butt plugs. Now I am non homophobic, comfortable with himself, hetero male(hell my best friend and me call each other heterolife mates ), I have absolutely no problem with those with any kind of alternate lifestyle or those trying to spice up their tomato soup. That being said(I have to admit that I dont know what a butt plug is supposed to do, I just know it's not going to be doing it to me)it seems to me like guys who like the butt plug, are mearly fence sitters . Make up your damn mind already. You can't have your cake and have it shoved up your ass as well.(As a side note...girls don't you worry about those guys who are a little to fasinated by the trip down, or up I guess,the "hershey highway"..makes ya think). Now it would seem to me that "butt-plugs" and having sex with a girl in the most uncomfortable of places(as i have been told) could be a sign of the ultimate fence - sitter, those who claim to be "bi-sexual".
Please I just dont get it, how can you not make up your mind on this, it like they just go through life flip-flopping on decisions. Isn't bi-sexuality really just the lay over to "Gay town" anyway? Now why is it that I dont trust these people, it's cause they can't seem to make up their minds, decide damn it, how can you run a country , a business, a life if you can even decide which team you are on. Now you may be asking yourself "Where did all this come from?", well I had learned that someone I know has a boyfriend who enjoys the butt plug. But to me thats got to be a sign doesn't it? I am an open minded person, really!, but it just seems to me that this kind of thing is treading closly to a very gray area where the next question in all likely hood could be " Honey, Fred is going to join us tonight ok?".

I just don't know....now about that new White Stripes album...................