..depends....do you use butt plugs?

Alright hear me out before you run away at the butt plug reference. This has to do with trust, not sex toys.
I am a person who takes trust very seriously. If I dont trust you, you will not know me as well, or as much, as you think you do. Now does this mean I have a horrible secret hiding in my past? No, not really, no more than the average person I guess. I mean I don't have any" Then my Uncle touched me" or "I woke up naked next to some strange guy" stories but the nature of a person's secrets are not what is at issue here. What is at issue is if you are a person that I would choose to share my personal stories, thoughts and ambitions with. We all have those friends that we party with and hang out with, but you also have those friends that know everything, your best friends.These are the people that have proven themselves trustworthy and have always been there for you, not just when you had a twenty sixer to drink. Some people have 1 ,some have 5, but these are important friends. Now my friends who know everything know who they are, and I think that those who don't know everything even know that maybe we are not as close as we were or are(one time in Port Alberni...)for what ever reasons. Screw me over once and we are pretty much done. I have a cousin you should ask about that.

Now I was going to go into what makes these friends so good why you can tell them anything like they dont judge..yadda yadda. However I have decided that I am getting much to serious on this diatribe of mine...so for shits and giggles let me tell you about some of the people I dont trust...

1.)First of, I am a true canadian kid and i like to drink. Beer of course but also Gin, Vodka and at times Rum. I like to go out drink with my friends have a good time at the bar and so on. It's those people that dont drink that get me. Now if you don't drink because you used to drink..at work, in the car, morning coffee break, your kids baptisim,then good on ya for realizing that yes you have a problem, or becasue of some medical condition, then ok,but if you have never drank, never wanted to drink, and don't see your self drinking in the near future then you are one of the people I dont trust. I think you are up to something, you are going to wait till one sat night after a hockey game and attack us normal people with your fire and brimstone of righteousness. I have also come to the conclusion that your "group" is probably closely tied to some religon, which really makes sense and is a whole other story. But let me say this...I don't trust you extreme religious types either..why you ask. too many reasons really but let me just say...The Crusades anyone?

Next, and this is were the title of this rant comes from, guys who use butt plugs. Now I am non homophobic, comfortable with himself, hetero male(hell my best friend and me call each other heterolife mates ), I have absolutely no problem with those with any kind of alternate lifestyle or those trying to spice up their tomato soup. That being said(I have to admit that I dont know what a butt plug is supposed to do, I just know it's not going to be doing it to me)it seems to me like guys who like the butt plug, are mearly fence sitters . Make up your damn mind already. You can't have your cake and have it shoved up your ass as well.(As a side note...girls don't you worry about those guys who are a little to fasinated by the trip down, or up I guess,the "hershey highway"..makes ya think). Now it would seem to me that "butt-plugs" and having sex with a girl in the most uncomfortable of places(as i have been told) could be a sign of the ultimate fence - sitter, those who claim to be "bi-sexual".
Please I just dont get it, how can you not make up your mind on this, it like they just go through life flip-flopping on decisions. Isn't bi-sexuality really just the lay over to "Gay town" anyway? Now why is it that I dont trust these people, it's cause they can't seem to make up their minds, decide damn it, how can you run a country , a business, a life if you can even decide which team you are on. Now you may be asking yourself "Where did all this come from?", well I had learned that someone I know has a boyfriend who enjoys the butt plug. But to me thats got to be a sign doesn't it? I am an open minded person, really!, but it just seems to me that this kind of thing is treading closly to a very gray area where the next question in all likely hood could be " Honey, Fred is going to join us tonight ok?".

I just don't know....now about that new White Stripes album...................

The Kryptonite Battle continues....

Ok...So awhile ago on The Sidekick's blog he asked a question about whats your "kryptonite". As a side note those who do not get the reference to kryponite..get the fuck out!!! Of course as a side note to myself, if somebody didnt get that reference, Iprobably lost them a long time ago. But back to the topic at hand. So little to his imagination he has started a small trend in a circle of friends about listing their individual "kryptonite's". Now I had posted on this before as comment to the original post. But I have decided to list them here again in an updated directors -cut, special edition dvd form. I have however decided to strike the original number one (i.e. girls) as it is every guys weakness,(unless of course you call gel "product"and you "frost" your hair), and if they tell you other wise they are lying. So i guess on with the list.

1.) As you can tell by the common theme of this little rant space of mine I dig on the music and movies. As an art form ,an indulgence, an escape from the day to day grind of life music or a good movie can make everything bad go away. They are a bookmark in our life. How many times have you heard an album..or rewatched a movie and you remeber th first time you saw or heard that. I could go on. but i wont.
2.)Caffine.Now I realize that I may be "addicted" to caffine., however I perfer to say we have a close friendship and a deep understanding. I get it in two ways(I DO sound like an addict don't I?) On is in Diet Coke, which I switched to about a year ago after drinking the real stuff, now there is no way i could go back. I think its the aspertame. The second way I get my "fix" is Tim Horton's. extra large coffee 3 cream 1 sweetner...aah yes..an extra large cup filled with caffine goodness...
3.)Going out for breakfast. It has until recently become a weekly ritual. The Sidekick and family and I hitting the local all day diner for a large breakfast full of eggs hashbrowns and the all important french toast instaed of pancakes(on a seperate plate mind you). See going out for dinner is great don't get me wrong, there is just something about the never ending cup of coffee and breakfast made by the pros(or the minimum wage worker of the week..but hey he still cooks for a living.Makes him a pro in my book.)
4.) Ok its not very interesting and its loathed by millions but...golf is a kryptonite. Now except for the fact that I haven't (medically) been able to play as much as I would like(damn pinched nerves)this is something that I would do with even my worst enemy. Hitler could call me up and I would go. That would be an interesting day though wouldn't it. "My ball is best cause it is white!!! all other balls pale in comparisson to my ball! My ball is the epitomy of what golf balls should be!!! All other must be expelled from the course and relegated to the driving range!!"Yes adolf now just hit the damn ball!!"......on second thought.....
5.)The last one could probably go with the music one ...but live music. Its a good thing I don't live in a major city where alot of the good bands go. I would be poorer than I already am. One maybe two a year(pearl jam this year).I am missing Bob Dylan, The White Stripes, The Foo Fighters,JAck Johnson and Robert PLant(screw you!!! yeah you know who thats directed at!!)

But oh well thats the list. We definetly all have vices don't we. Its funny most people I have talked to name things or activities as weaknesses, but it was asked if a person could be a weakness?..this I agree with. I think a person could definetly be a weakness. It couyld be the little things they do for you, it could be the way they brighten your day, the list could go on and on. Like the many colours of Kryptonite in Superman's world, there are different kyrptonites for different people.but what you gonna do....now about that twelve step program.....................

I feel...

Back in the day when the best friend and I used to work togethter we would send faxes back and forth that contained some kind of joke to make each other laugh and get us through another day "Where hopes and dreams go to die". Well me and the best friend,hence forth known as the Sidekick(yeah thats right I said it! HAHAHA) were talking the other day and decided that we should bring the "I feel list" back. He unfortunatly beat me to it(bastard)but here it is my current I feel list.

1. That 300 pound women can not and should not where big yellow shirts that make them look like(and as big as) the sun.

2. That No women should have more cleavage coming out of the front of their shoe, than out the front of their shirts

3. We as decent human beings need to help those that are less fortunate than us. By this I mean those people(mostly women) who will wear what ever they want and dont realize they shouldnt be wearing it...look people spandex is a privliage and not used just "to keep things together". Tell this to a person you see that is wearing something they shouldn't be....

4. That No matter what anyone says..we as canadians are glad the hockey strike is over...don't kid yourself. you'll watch, you'll chear and all will seam right on sat nights again....

5. (cause you always need at least five!)That Rock stars should stay rock stars..Now im not saying dont do benefits or the such.(way to go Neil Young for Farm Aid for example) but come on. When you get to the BONO stage or BOB GELDOF, Go to hell.(I will take anyshot possible to vent my disgust and loathing for BONO) you are not fucking politicians there for dont shove your politics at me.....god I hate Bono.....

Im feeling a little simple..

Ok...Its obvious to you people reading this that I can be a little judgemental when it comes to music and we havent even got to anything about movies yet. But today I am putting this to you, we are going "interactive" people! what do i mean by that? Well I want to hear from others reading this diatribe of mine(for which i know of three maybe four). Its Tuesday and I was planning to put up a review on some new cd or Dvd that came out today,but it was all crap this week so. Its list time. As I said in the previous post pop culture geeks love the list so we are going to do this High FIdelity Style...todays topic is this....Top Five Songs to play in the Morning on the way to work!!(In no particular order)

1) Oh sweet nuthin!!--The Velvet Underground
2) Dont let it bring you down---Neil Young
3) God Only KNows---The Beach Boys
4.) Stash--Phish
5.)all along the watchtower- cover version by The Dave Matthews Band(Live In Chicago album)
(an honerable mention goes to the cover version of Led Zepplins Ramble On by Keller Williams)

that is my list (this week) the great thing about lists is that if you asked me that question tommorrow, a week from now..it would always change. So now I put it to you give me your lists...i promise not to judge....out loud anyway....

When did things go bad...

When did things go bad. When did what go bad you ask? The state of music today is what has gone bad. Now dont get me wrong there is good stuff out there that has come out in the last say 10 years Im a fan of The Dave Matthews Band, The Tragically Hip,The White Stripes and The Kings of Leon(great new band) and thats just the tip of the iceberg, don't even get me started on bands like Phish(love the Phish) moe.,The String Cheese Incident,that people just ignore my problem is with Top forty radio and the "popular" music. Back in the day bands seem to say something with there music ,it was new and exciting. You had bands like Led Zepplin singing about the Lord of the Rings(Listen to "Ramble On") and the mystisim of the world or bands like the Stones that in a way invented the sound most identifiable as rock... .big drums, guitar solos, drugs..and of course the Beatles, with out whom we wouldnt even have music the way we have it today!!
But now adays its like a cookie cutter assembly line of bands like Nickelback(Hey Chad Kroeger..Eddie Vedder did it first and better!) and Sum 41 , Good Charlotte aaarrrgghhh..the list could go on and on....Everyone just listens to this stuff because thats what they hear all the time. Do I hate the people that like these bands and think less of them because they just listen to all this new and unoriginal mainstream stuff?..not really..ok maybe a little! hahaha(just kidding) but i think its a sign of the times! OK...so now your asking yourself how can I say that poeple NOT listening to the Beatles and Led Zepplin, music that is in some cases 35 years old, is a sign of the times ,only a musical elitist snob could say something so stupid right? Well hold on a second and hear me out...
I think it almost comes down to lack of imagination and laziness, for lack of a better choice of words, brought on by the state of the world in which we live. You have a channel like MuchMusic and some mainstream Radio Stations telling you what to like and not to like..they tell you things like U2 are the greatest band alive(I shake my fist at you in anger and disgust BONO!...god i loath them...) so people take their word for it!. They don't seek out anything new and take chances..(i am speaking in generalities because I go to record stores and do know that there are those out there that still take chances on something new..and for this i salute you...)..so they wont listen to older bands or even some of the newer bands that may not get the press that some of these other mainstream bands do. I say fight the man and seek out something new..if youve never heard a beach boys album go out and get one(pet sounds perferably) or Kings of Leon anything that you have not heard before. Do you have a used record store in town..these places are ususally run and staffed by people that are knowlegable about these things...say to them I listen to this what else would I like?. If you like Punk..go get The Clash or the Ramones or even The Sex Pistols...just realize that it didnt start with Green Day and Blink-182. Take A chance People!!! Learn where your music came from learn the history....
If some one reads this and goes out and buys just one old album..or discovers something like the blues(aahhhMuddy Waters..Robert Johnson..John Lee hooker) or Miles Davis( kind of blue..do your self a favour and discover Jazz...start here) then i say good for you. Do I take this stuff too seriuously? Maybe.... but music is like a look into the past ,its an art form that can tell us alot about a time and generation...and besides isnt Listening to ABBEY ROAD better than reading some history book.... still waiting for the 12 step program so....

Is it wrong...

Growing up I always bought into the idea that knowlegde is power.Not very profound I know, but I do think that.I also think that,that belief has led me to be the cyinical, some may say a little "obsessed"(i perfer passionate) music and movie snob(as my friends call me..with love im sure) that I have evolved into today. Now where does the knowledge aspect of this come in you ask? Well here it is, the reason is ,I find that when I am interested in something I research and read and listen and watch anything on the related topic. This will then lead me to believe that I have an infomed opinion on things like the music and movies that I read alot about and as such have become a "snob" about I ahte the radio, top forty, and most mainstream stuff. This would explain my collection of auotobiographies and stacks of music magazines.(Any one want old issues of Rolling Stone!!)Now if I would keep this to myself it wouldnt be a problem, however people come to me and will talk music and movies with me and at some point the words like crap!..that sucks, total shit, how can you listen to that!! will eventually spew from my pie hole! But they ask my opinion, they know im "the pop culture" guy so they bring it up. Which brings me to my point of this rant ,if you ill.....Is it bad to try and put people on the right path towards something new!. I find the people that I deal with on an everyday basis(aside from my friends)like co-workers and employees arent open to new things. Open your mind people!!! I think the thing that bothers me most is the music factor. Younger people today(NOT THAT IM OLD!!!) dont know the history of things..they dont know that with out the blues, r&b, and roots music there would have been no Beatles, Elvis,Rolling Stones adn LEd Zepplin wich in turn would have led to no Nirvana, Pearl Jam,Guns and roses(all of which the people that work for me consider the oldies) which would have led to no thing that they listen to today. I just try and show them that...is that so bad..try and teach..now your right maybe I shouldnt make the future shop guy walk away in shame(but he had bad music taste)and maybe I should be patient with people as bad music taste is not the end of the world and doesnt make you a baad person(does it?). There are more comnstants in life than just death and taxes...country will always suck(except Johnny Cash), Creed and Nickleback will NEVER be considered cool..even if the lead singer for them dies, and I think Im doomed to judge peoples cd collections although you can tell alot about people from that. But i resolve(half heartedly) to try not to impart my opinions (in a bad way) on others i will mearly suggest that they should "check this out is they like ...". I can already see myself failing that. But oh well that is mearly my quirk..if Your not passinate about something arent you just going through the motions of life, souldn't you be excited about something in life,wheather it be Books, art, litrature,pop culture, or Kevin Smith movies. I think the people that dont get excited about something are the same as those that dont drink never have drinkin or will they ever partake of alcohol...they make me nervous....I think my real point is find something that excites you in life...oh and don't, by any means or for any reason listen to Celine Dion, im pretty sure that her voice given the right circumsatnce will make your head explode.Scanners Style !